Today's world mental health day and every year on this day I'm forced to think about the subject more seriously than I do on most other days. I've said this before, and I say it again.
'Mental health' while having a universal significance, holds different meaning or definitions for different people. The different things that affect their mental health, their environment, relationships, experiences, and beliefs.
For me personally, it gets affected by various things on a daily basis. But the core issue it funnels down to is feeling distant from my perception of ‘self’. How do I see myself every day? And boy, has that changed! I used to be very secure and confident. But now, I doubt myself and my relationships every single day. I doubt my ambitions and the capabilities to achieve them. I doubt my ability to trust others and myself.
I've journeyed from being an 'over achiever' to being 'unemployed' while going through major life changes, like becoming a mother. A stage that makes one doubt just about everything! And I have those doubts.
It's a brand-new learning curve (has more unlearning than learning, honestly) that pushes my boundaries and exhausts me in ways I never imagined. Even though I have a rainbow (my sweet little baby girl) at the end of it, I still go through a turbulent storm every day. Some days, I feel overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. On others, I feel guilty for not spending enough time with her. Some days, I feel lonely and isolated from the world.
I realize that unknowingly, I've always sought validation from outside, and also received it more often than not. I also realize that I haven't been looking inside to find happiness. The real happiness. One forgets, you know?
So, I’m promising myself to be kind every day, to tick one small goal off my checklist every day, and to take a big step: trying to learn to love my own company.
It's a BIG BIG step and a very long journey but the intention is to keep going with the awareness that there will be both rainy days and sunny days. The goal is to keep going, baby steps every day.
I hope you get the chance to sit with yourself and find that one goal you want to achieve for yourself too.
Here's to me, to you and everyone who is fighting a quiet battle with themselves. May we all emerge victorious.
Beautiful piece, thank you for sharing it. Needed this ❤️